Alright, cool ’Cats and kittens, let’s chat.

First point: yes, this column still exists. Did it mysteriously vanish from late January until now? Yes. I would say that it was because I was in mourning over Liz Warren dropping out, but that wasn’t true until March 5th. So let’s just say it was a combination of that and Winter Quarter being a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time.

Second point: column writing in the time of corona. The nice thing is this column has never involved any real reporting, (because I am a fake journalist) so the transition to online work has been smooth. The only major change is that the column will return to text only. Yes, unfortunately for podcast lovers, ours will not continue as Maya and I are no longer in the same place and making a podcast remotely sounds like a nightmare and we are unskilled and lazy ™.

Third point: help us, Joe Biden, you’re our only hope. Former vice president and man without a concept of personal space, Joseph Biden is now the one and only Democratic candidate left in the race. Bernie Sanders dropped out of the race at the beginning of April, and Tulsi Gabbard actually dropped out in mid-March (something I had to check while writing this because I always forget about her) and, to some genuine surprise, endorsed Biden. So now, America’s favorite/creepiest granddad Joe Biden is the (unofficial) Democratic nominee. (OK, yes there are some people trying to get Andrew Cuomo nominated at the convention, but I don’t really know what’s going on there. So, like all politicians with something they don’t understand, I’m going to ignore it.)

Fourth point: what’s next? (Cue West Wing intro music.) Well, barring any tomfoolery at the convention, which will now be held in Milwaukee the week of Aug. 17, it looks like we will have a Biden-Trump showdown in November. May the best creepy old white man win. All the previous 2020 Democratic contenders have endorsed Biden, including liberal lions Warren and Sanders, as well as, unsurprisingly, Barack Obama, the source of most of Joe Biden’s support.

This is not to say the road ahead is smooth for Biden. Campaigning during a pandemic with an economic downturn looming would be difficult for the cleanest of politicians, more so for someone with sexual harassment complaints and decades of government experience to be critiqued. Of course, looking at the news, one might think that Biden simply picking the right woman to be his vice president will solve all of that, but we’ll see.

So, going forward, the big questions are: Who will Biden’s vice president be? Will Sanders and Warren supporters rally behind the much more moderate Biden? And, most importantly, will I actually be able to dig through all the COVID-19 articles to find enough 2020 ones to write this column?

Of course, COVID-19 is still the biggest story every day. It’s led to toned-down campaigning due to gathering limitations. Plus, the general fog of uncertainty put around everything can make it difficult to pay attention to anything else. But, for those of you who want a distraction, I will be here each week to resume my task of wrapping up 2020 news.

Provided I can find any.