Dear Respected Members of the Morgan Stanley Talent Acquisition Elite Strike Force,

Ever since I received a stock option as my first birthday gift, I’ve dreamed of being part of Morgan Stanley’s prestigious Global Investment Banking Division. As the godson of a Managing Director in M&A (hi, Uncle Bartholomew!), I’ve grown up understanding the importance of synergy, liquidity and never showing weakness during earnings season. Morgan Stanley isn’t just a bank. It’s a legacy. A beacon of excellence. A cathedral of capitalism. And I would be honored to worship at its Bloomberg terminal.

As an Econ major with a Kellogg certificate and a minor in cocaine, I’ve spent four years honing my ability to speak confidently in ISBE projects I did not contribute to. Additionally, last summer  during my internship at a boutique investment firm (my dad’s hedge fund), I created a discounted cash flow model so powerful it made a senior analyst cry. On campus, I serve as Co-VP of Northwestern’s Premier Business Fraternity PGN and Co-VP of Northwestern IBC (Incels Business Collective). 

While some candidates might lack industry insight, I’ve spent every family Christmas dinner listening to buyout horror stories from my mom’s Pilates partner, a VP at Bank of America. Although my parents’ success has afforded me certain comforts — private SAT tutoring, an offshore Roth IRA, etc. — I’m determined to prove I’m more than just the sum of my family’s trusts.

I know I would be a valuable asset to Morgan Stanley. I bring intellectual rigor, tireless ambition and a private jet I’m willing to loan out for team bonding retreats. Morgan Stanley’s mission to “do first-class business in a first-class way” speaks to me, mostly because I have been first class since birth. I look forward to the opportunity to discuss my application — or to just be in your presence, really. Thank you for considering me for this sacred and lucrative position.

Best,

Chadwick Barclay Rhodes III

Print design by Ilse von Heimberg.