Your hot Russian literature classmate just sent you a DM asking if you want to discuss the erotic undertones in War and Peace sometime. You’re already imagining your first date: a candlelit dinner at Chicken Shack. But let’s face it — you’re probably more likely to hit up Tech Express together between finals. Romance is hard to come by on campus, and a good first date spot is just as elusive. So instead of daydreaming about your perfect Evanston love story, take the quiz below to find out where you might end up on your worst first date.
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How did you meet your date?
Tinder Swipe Surge
They fell asleep on my shoulder in Tech LR2
D&D’s (We both reached for the last sour grape FourLoko)
What’s your favorite sneaky link spot on campus?
The bowling-themed part of Norris (No way you’ll “strike” out)
The map room in Main Library (Let’s talk longitude, baby)
What’s your favorite class at Northwestern?
Marriage 101 (My marriage pact didn’t work out)
MUSIC 126 Aural Skills (I’m learning how to use my mouth)
It’s Friday night. You’ve just been grilled by four midterms. What do you order at the bar?
A tall glass of orange juice
A “purple line” (Long Island iced tea with a shot of pomegranate syrup)
Most dining halls are closed, and you’re absolutely ravenous. How are you taming your hunger?
Make the cold walk to Fran’s
Demolish a Caspian at MOD
What’s your go-to date flick?
Ratatouille (Classy, sexy, mouth-watering)
Pulp Fiction (OK film buff)
Love Island (Can I pull you for a chat?)
Where are you showing off your athleticism?
My a capella show (I’m not athletic)
Bedroom (I can hold a plank for 60 seconds ;))
You just got invited to a rager and need a quick pregame location. Where do you text the homies to meet up?
Segal Rooftop
The Sheil Catholic Center
Abandoned Burger King
It feels extra dark outside the shell of the former Burger King. You wait on the sidewalk embedded with fossilized ketchup packets and hope the rat you saw is a culinary genius. You can feel the ghost of the Impossible Whopper mocking your pick-up lines.
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Mudd Library
You prioritize school, but you’re not alone — so does your date. Your attempts at conversation trigger angry stares from other students. Your mind drifts to the problem set you’re working on, killing any sexual tension you managed to build. To make matters worse, you bump into your group project members that you blew off for this date.
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Shakespeare Garden
You attempt a midnight meetup among the shrubbery, envisioning a romantic 1600s British literature vibe. Unfortunately, the only reminder of classic literature is that rusty bust of Shakespeare cringing at your poorly crafted love poems. The Dead Poets Society, who convene there at midnight, walk in on you trying to make a move.
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Jacobs Center
There’s a new email from Luke Figora: another mandatory test next week? You use the University-mandated excursion as an opportunity to meet up with your date. Staring into each other’s eyes while you do 15 big circles in each nostril is just as intimate as you expected, but not in a good way.
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