[“Get Cultured Theme” By Tenny Tsang]
Sami Berisha and Prabhav Jain 0:00: Welcome to the get cultured podcast.
Sami berisha 0:08: We're not gonna fucking introduce ourselves because you know who the fuck we are by this point.
Prabhav Jain 0:13: It's ya boy.
Sami 0:15: It's your boys, plural. Anyway, so Prabhav it has gotten fucking cold bro. It snowed twice since our last podcast.
Prabhav 0:23: Mate like I think I'm ready like I'm waiting for the Alexa to deport me, because I've said questionable stuff in my room some days. I'm waiting It'll be like Alexa will be like, Prabhav your flight has been booked, ICE is one their way. I'm not even mad, I'll take it. I want the warmth, Sammi.
Sami 0:24: Do you think the FBI is watching you?
Prabhav 0:41: Mate. Welcome to the 21st century my dude. Be careful boys.
Sami 0:46: Um, so this time I also brought water with me so my mouth doesn't dry the hell up, you know. Because last time, I had like a severe case of cottonmouth. Look. she brought water as well, wait ohhhh. Hints, hints, hints.
Prabhav 0:58: Special guest!
Sami 1:00 : Also before we get to this special guest, can we just talk about our intro music?
Prabhav 1:05: I love it, I think it's like that noir theme like we're basically detectives at this point.
Sami 1:10: It fucking slaps bro I, jam to it by myself in my bedroom [humming].
Prabhav 1:14: Yes, Sammi is a little bit lame, he doesn't really get invited to parties. So that's his scene most nights.
Sami 1:19: My scene is just chilling in my room listen to our podcast.
Prabhav 1:22: Yeah, that's a good scene though. I mean, I respect that. Yeah.
Sami 1:26: Anyway, so, first episode was about the UK. This episode is about Prabhav. So.
Prabhav 1:33: Singapore. Oh, wow, it's our mystery guest! Oh my god, would you like to introduce yourself.
Sofia Bening 1:42: Hi, I'm Sofia. I'm from Singapore.
Prabhav 1:46: So what's your full name?
Sofia 1:47: I'm Sofia Bening.
Prabhav 1:48: Nice. Sorry. My producers told me I had to do that.
Sofia 1:54: I'm a Medill Sophomore from Singapore.
Sami 1:58: Wow. Okay, so let's get right into the questions because we don't have any more than 15 minutes. Anyways, that definitely wasn't anger in my voice just then. Let's start with slang. What's like a typical like all your favorite Singaporean slang.
Prabhav 2:16: I have a list on my phone and it's so long, and I'm having anxiety because I can't figure out which one to go first.
Sofia 2:23: So a classic Singaporean slang is, let's just go with talk cock. So talk cock as in TALK COCK. So that means like, you're like saying nonsense.
Prabhav 2:38: It's like bullshit.
Sofia 2:38: If like someone is acting a fool or like they're just saying bullshit like oh you don't believe it and you think it's, it's like just bullshit you go like: eh don't talk cock.
Prabhav 2:47 : Yeah and for added like emphasis or bang you throw in a swear word. And because we're Singaporean, we use the most whack swear words that are like combinations of different languages. No one knows where they came from at this point. There's like kanina, chao ci bai and nabei.
Sofia 3:04: And then there’s the kani-nabei-chao-ci-bai.
Prabhav 3:06: That’s the ultimate.
Sofia 3:08: When you put it all together.
Sami 3:09: kani-nabei-chao-ci-bai.
Prabhav 3:10: That’s it, that’s it.
Sofia 3:14: That'll get you all the ladies.
Sami 3:16 : What does it mean? Are we allowed to say?
Prabhav 3:23: I think we could but to be honest I don't know at this point what it means.
Sami 3:26: We’ll bleep it out at the end of it’s too bad.
Sofia 3:29: It's like kind of like fuck your mother
Prabhav 3:31: That's kanina. Nabei is like idiot.
Sofia 3:34: Yeah nabei is like fucktard. And chao qi bai is like smelly vagina.
Sami 3:40: Alright that is not getting bleeped out at all. That was amazing. That was great.
Sofia 3:45: Come to Singapore, it’s super cultured and beautiful like crazy rich Asians.
Sami 3:49: Oh no.
Sofia 3:52: That was a full lie, that was a lie. I did not stand by the movie.
Sami 3:55 You guys (audience) couldn't see the transition in her face as soon as she said crazy rich Asians.
Prabhav 4:02: She was pissed. Aight, aight, I’m gonna put forth my favorite slang word. I think it's gonna be bo-jio. And bo-jio is kind of like this really sarcastic thing you say, cause Singaporeans are all sarcastic assholes. Like that's number one, right. It's kind of like the UK, probably because they colonized us, yeah. Thanks, my dude. Appreciate it. Yeah, so bo-jio is like if you see a friend and he's like whoa, I'm gonna go do this. You’ll be like, eh, bo-jio leh?
Sofia 4:26: Yeah. Like why didn’t you invite me.
Prabhav 4:28: It's kinda like a self invite. I'm coming, or can I come? Yeah, or you just guilt trip them.
Sofia 4:32 Yeah. Come on let me come, why didn't you invite me. Another slang word is… There is... Let's see, there is sabo. So sabo is actually short for sabotage, and I realized coming here that sabotage is used in very serious dire situations like government sabotage. But sabo, you can say it for anything.
Prabhav 5:03: Suppose your friend does well in a test, or he is gonna do really well in a test. You’ll be like eh ci bai dont sabo can or not.
Sofia 5:08: Yeah like don't Sabo me like you're gonna spoil market. Spoil market it means that you're too good for everyone, so that you're ruining like the market for everyone.
Prabhav 5:20: Yeah I suppose you went to like a fruit market you saw one really good apple, it will make other apples look shit, right? As a point like the spoil market just being a dick, cuz you're flexing on people.
Sofia 5:31: Yeah another thing to remember if you ever are in Singapore, grammar goes out the window. No such thing as grammar anywhere because Singaporeans are busy you know like we we want to keep on moving. Efficiency. All about efficiency, so for example, like prepositions anything like that. We don't know what it, we know what they are. It's like she. like yeah, she yeah like what I said just like you want to say like she spoils the market you just go she spoil market.
Prabhav 6:02: There's no she spoils or does. It’s just spoil market.
Sami 6:06: Why can't French be like that?
Prabhav 6:08: I don’t know man. You guys have vowels for fun, we have nothing. Yes but coming to the busy thing will fucking abbreviate anything so instead of government....
Sofia 6:19: Government is too troublesome you see like you see that's three syllables too many, yeah. So we just say gah'men.
Sofia 6:30: Yeah so like you see how much faster it will be if everyone just said: eh the gah'men damn rabak.
Prabhav 6:37: Rabak! Sofia has become full Singaporean now. Rabak means, it's Malay for like trash it's shit, like shit tier.
Sofia 6:48: Disastrous.
Prabhav 6:51: If somebody called you rabak, it means you're a trash human being.
Sofia 6:54: Yeah
Prabhav 6:55: Yeah and then instead of saying can or cannot, you'll be like, can or not.
Sofia 7:04: Eh walao don't like that can or not. Wow thats the most Singlish thing I've said in a long time.
Prabhav 7:09: I'm going to translate for the rest of you, because there is no way you understood that. Walao is a...
Sofia 7:14: It’s an exclamation? No, but it is an exclamation of exasperation. Like walao!
Prabhav 7:22: It's like when you're upset. You just want to say something.
Sofia 7:26: And also the beautiful, the beautiful thing about Singlish is that the tone and your inflection in your voice determine the mood.
Sami 7:35: WALAO!!!
Prabhav 7:37: Yeah, basically, words have no meaning. So do what you want.
Sofia 7:40: So for example, if you say like, walaooo, that means you're annoyed. Walaoo! It's like you're super angry. Maybe if you go like, waalao — depressed, sad. We're thespians. I think we have so much we have so much practice with like changing our tones. I feel like everyone In Singapore will be able to act as something.
Sami 8:03: Maybe, maybe just touch on some of the cultural aspects of Singapore.
Prabhav 8:08: Okay, okay, okay. I know last time we talked about fuckin British gangsters, but they got nothing, I said nothing my Singaporean gangster boys.
Sami 8:17: What about the straps bro.
Prabhav 8:18: Mate hold on, I'm getting there. First of all right, our gangsters are poor as fuck so they don't have cars. Because cars are expensive in Singapore. They have a scooters, right? Like a fucking electric scooters like all the other rich kids on campus have. Fucking scooting down on Sheridan while we walk and they're just like haha fucking plebs. That's our gangsters right and then but they will kit out, they like pimp their ride kinda thing.
Sofia 8:41: Yeah so like they attach like, these like really obnoxious like multicolored like LED lights, LED lights and they blast really shitty EDM.
Prabhav 8:50: I have a sample for you guys. Yeah.
Sofia 8:52: And it's so loud
Prabhav 8:53: And then while they blast it sometimes they will chant along with it. Sofia, do you want to demonstrate.
[Sample of Singaporean EDM playing in Background]
Sami 9:00: Yeah, yeah.
Sofia 9:01: OW OW SA LA KAO SINGAPORE.......AYYY! Just stuff like that.
Prabhav 9:07: Fun fact, that chant actually got banned by the government because it was used by gang members to like, assemble in night clubs. Like one kid would fucking start it and all the gang members who were dancing at the night club would conglomerate. They would get together.
Sofia 9:20: Yeah and then it's a scene.
Sami 9:26: So basically in the UK we have straps and we're afraid of dying, you guys are getting afraid of, you guys are afraid of being run over by an e-scooter.
Prabhav 9:32: Dude it’s a, it’s a real problem.
Sofia 9:35: E-scooters and brandishing parangs.
Prabhav 9:38: Parangs are like machetes. So thats like the boss level gangsters, the hardcore ones will have a machete The rest are these skinny scrawny Chinese people on e-scooters, but dude, e-scooters hurt like a little bitch if you get hit by them.
Sami 9:54: From personal experience.
Prabhav 9:56: Like the government actually banned the e-scooter! Like three days ago, and it's fucking hilarious because a lot of people actually use e-scooters to like deliver food for Uber Eats or something.
Sofia 10:09: Yeaaaaa. There was this GrabFood e-scooter driver who was pushed off by a pedestrian and he fractured his neck. So I mean, maybe in general pedestrians have just had enough of these e-scooter drivers. I don't care if you're delivering food, get the fuck out.
Prabhav 10:10: Because then the government banned it overnight and now they have like no source of income. You guys at Sheridan, you guys have nice like bike lanes where e-scooters can like zoom down. We don't got that in Singapore man, they just fucking go on the fucking pavement like next to us.
Sami 10:38: All right, so what's the dumbest thing you've been asked? Sharp transition.
Sofia 10:43: Um, just yesterday I was asked the most basic elementary level thing about Singapore which is: isn't it a part of China?
Prabhav 10:54: That's a classic.
Sami 10:57: White people. [singing]
Sofia 11:01: Like, I can't believe I'm telling you that I was asked that yesterday, but I was asked that actually yesterday. It just made me sad.
Prabhav 11:08: It's been a year here for you, hasn't it.
Sofia 11:10: It didn't offend me, it just made me sad.
Prabhav 11:12: It pisses you off so much you're like, you know what? This is the way it is and I'll take it.
Sami 11:18: What about you Prabhav?
Prabhav 11:19: Oh, well, today was parents weekend. That was fun times. I was adopted by some kind people for a little bit. And at a tailgate in the morning I had five different pairs of parents ask me: is Singapore really like crazy rich Asians, because those houses look so nice. Disclaimer. The movie had to be filmed in Malaysia, because Singapore is tiny, and land is expensive, and nobody owns a house that big.
Sami 11:47: You know, this whole time like I've been in the US. I've been arguing that crazy Rich Asians was a piece of shit movie.
Sofia 11:50: Yeah, it's not good.
Sami 11:55: I'm happy to have Singaporeans tell me that isn't good. I'm just so glad right now.
Prabhav 12:00: I’m happy like people actually know that Singapore is a real place now. They don't look at me like huh? Where are you from again? They know that it is a country that exists.
Sofia 12:07: That's one step forward. I guess the next step is knowing where it is and that we are like independent and our own thing, you know? And not like part of China, which is come on, what year is it.
Prabhav 12:20 : Yeah, we're not Hong Kong, guys. Ooooooh, that's questionable. Politics! Well, it's time to move on.
Sami 12:28: Okay, so what do you miss about home?
Sofia 12:31: Well, I miss the MRT, which is our version of the ‘L’. It's the best public transport it’s so fast, and it's amazing. And I mean, to be fair, Singapore is tiny. But I think it's still like a really great transport system in general, and our buses are awesome.
Prabhav 12:50: Remember, just to be clear by tiny we mean like it's one country that's also just a city. But the city itself is decently sized. It's like as big as Chicago. Or maybe a little bit smaller, like main Chicago or around there. So it's not tiny tiny.
Sofia 13:06: Yeah and of course I miss the food. Singapore has the best food and...
Prabhav 13:11: Shameless plug, hold on. Recently, I forget which newspaper, but ranked Singapore as the best street food capital of the world.
Sofia 13:20: True facts. I mean, like literally anyone who's been to Singapore will agree that Singapore has the best food.
Prabhav 13:27: Yeah, we do. You can get Michelin starred food in Singapore for...
Sofia 13:31: $3.
Prabhav 13:33: Three? I thought it was four.
Sofia 13:34: Whatever. And it's Singapore dollars so in US dollars is like two something.
Prabhav 13:42: Cheaper than McDonald's.
Sami 13:45: Alright, so last question. Right. I've noticed that as time passes, the US is just getting shitter and shitter and shitter. But to end it on a positive note. What do you like about the US?
Sofia 13:57: Well, I'm someone who goes to a lot of concerts. I love music. So one thing that definitely is different is that obviously over here we get a lot more concerts and a lot of people (artists) come here so I love that.
Prabhav 14:10: I love the concerts a lot, and we can do a lot more stupid shit like you can paint the rock. And be like, haha fuck Northwestern on the rock. if you do that in Singapore, I think you might get jailed for public swearing.
Sofia 14:23: Probably yeah, like the guy who did graffiti on the MRT and he went to jail for like years.
Prabhav 14:29: He got destroyed, man.
Sofia 14:31: Yeah, he got freaking annihilated.
Prabhav 14:34: The government does not fuck around. They are the real gangsters of Singapore. The Gah'men.
Sami and Sofia 14:39: The rabak Gah'men.
Prabhav 14:41: But they do love us. They do love us. So it's all good in the end.
Sami 14:45: Alright. So that's a nice little positive note to end on. Hey, well, this has been ya boy Sammy.
Prabhav 14:51: And your man Prabhav.
Sofia 14:52: And me, Sophia. Woo!
Sami 14:55: This has also been North by Northwestern audio.
Prabhav 14:58: So well, we hope all of you....
Sami 15:01: Get Cultured
Sami and Prabhav 15:02: Fuck, fuck!
Sami 15:02: Have a good one!
[“Get Cultured Theme” By Tenny Tsang]