If there’s one thing everyone knows about Northwestern students, it’s how unbelievably thirsty they are. Also, they like drinking water. That’s why we decided to create a comprehensive list of the highest quality water fountains on campus — the bougiest bubblers, the sauciest spouts, the juiciest jets — because like it or not, not every Elkay is made equal. We went high and low, testing everything from the most popular watering-holes to a few that you probably didn’t know were operational. So, without further ado, here are our definitive ratings.

Harris — main hall, by the stairway

Overall rating: 1/10

Josh: I felt violated by this fountain. I basically had to deepthroat it because the jet was so low. 1/10

Maggie: Water fountain was beautiful but you DO NOT want to drink out of it... potential health hazard. 2/10

Teresa: The temperature was bad. Also, I think I ingested a ghost. Very cursed. Also bougie? 1/10

Swift — ground floor

Overall rating: 3/10

Josh: It tastes like I just licked a concrete wall. 2/10

Maggie: At first taste, it was fine if not a little warm, but then it made my mouth taste like blood, so it’s a no from me. 2/10

Teresa: Meh. 4/10

Sargent

Overall Rating: 3/10

Josh: Why was it so warm? 4/10

Maggie: The flavor was okay if not a little stale. Unfortunately, it was room temperature, but an inside source has told me “it’s not normally like this.” 4/10

Teresa: Picture this: You’ve just woken up. You emerge from the basement with several friends, all bleary-eyed because of some sleepover shenanigans the night before. You’re parched and all you want is some water, so you grab a glass from the pitcher that’s been out since the night before. It’s lukewarm and tastes a little off, but you’re thirsty and it’s water. This is that water. 2/10

MFC/McTrib — first floor

Overall rating: 4

Josh: Strongly metallic and lukewarm. 3/10

Maggie: Would drink but not if I had other options. It was lukewarm, bland, and yet somehow still had a bad taste. 4/10

Teresa: Kinda lukewarm but the flavor was decent. 4/10

Mudd — ground floor

Overall Rating: 4/10

Josh: Good temperature, but the taste left a lot to be desired. 4/10

Maggie: Temperature was great but taste was metallic. 3/10

Teresa: This was good for a second, but then there was an aftertaste that just would not leave my mouth. 6/10

Kresge — first floor, by the elevator

Overall rating: 5/10

Josh: It tastes a little basic, both essentially and chemically. Temperature is good, though. 6/10

Maggie: This was too flavorful with a distinct mineral/metallic-y taste. Would also be absolutely evil if it wasn’t cold. 5/10

Teresa: The taste of this fountain leaves much to be desired, but the temperature is good. 4/10

Bienen — ground floor

Overall rating: 5/10

Josh: An exceptionally powerful stream, if a little bland. 6/10

Maggie: The water tasted chemically and it was room temperature. 3/10

Teresa: Voluminous in body, but the overall flavor is weak. Honestly a little harsh and the temperature could go a bit colder. 5/10

University Hall — ground floor

Overall rating: 5/10

Josh: Good flavor balance, comfortably cool temperature. 8/10

Maggie: Very basic. The taste was fine but nothing to rave about. Temperature-wise, it was a little warm. 5/10

Teresa: Honestly, this water fountain gives me bad vibes. Also, the aftertaste is really harsh. 3/10

Annenberg — first floor

Overall Rating: 5/10

Josh: Temperature was a smidge warm, and the flavor was sub-par. 5/10

Maggie: It was fine. Extremely mediocre and a little warm. 5/10

Teresa: The taste was… kind of weird. 4/10

Tech — ground floor

Overall Rating: 6/10

Josh: Cool temperature, but not enough pressure in the stream. 5/10

Maggie: It was very cold with a mild flavor. 7/10

Teresa: The temperature was fine but was definitely a bit harsh flavor-wise. 6/10

Main — ground floor, near the bathrooms

Overall rating: 6/10

Josh: Decent flow, but not the best aftertaste. 4/10

Maggie: Really neutral flavor profile, nice temperature if not just slightly too warm. I enjoyed it, would absolutely fill a water bottle here. 7/10

Teresa: Very nice temperature, and no particular taste. Peacefully secluded. 7/10

Locy — ground floor

Overall rating: 7/10

Josh: Probably the coldest fountain on campus. 7/10

Maggie: It honestly probably wasn’t great, but it was so cold I could look past any flaws in terms of taste. 8/10

Teresa: A little scary to use in regard to the amount of noise the button makes. The temperature was great but there was a bit of a metallic aftertaste. 6/10

Fisk — first floor

Overall rating: 8/10

Josh: Lackluster flavor, slight metallic aftertaste. 6/10

Maggie: Just as cold as Locy but with less of an aftertaste. Delicious. 9/10

Teresa: Great temperature. I literally ignored everything else because the temperature was so good. 8/10

Norris — first floor

Overall rating: 9/10

Josh: Even stream, cool temperature and genuinely refreshing taste. This water fountain is the whole package. 10/10

Maggie: Tastes like bottled water, specifically Aquafina. I’m into it. 9/10

Teresa: Somewhat sweet taste with a good temperature. This is the water fountain I drink from in my dreams. 9/10

Deering — in the basement

Overall rating: N/A

Josh: When I pressed the button, no water came out, but I did hear the faint whispers of lost souls.

Maggie: :(

Teresa: This water fountain does not work and is definitely haunted. It may or may not be a portal to hell.