Does your mom’s phone buzz off the hook on a daily basis? Well, you’re
not the only one. You may be wondering where all these notifications are
coming from (she’s cool, but not that cool). Surprise! It’s the
Northwestern University Parents Group on Facebook. Even though you’ve
done it many times before, your mom probably doesn’t think you’re
capable of social interaction, which explains why she’s scheduling
playdates for you on Facebook. And the worst part is you can’t see it
for yourself. Don’t worry, NBN has infiltrated the system. What we
uncovered was nothing short of entertaining, cringey and even a bit
concerning.
Kid Withdrawals
Let’s kick things off with some emotional vulnerability, which we all
know college students are good at — just look at how fluid the
conversations are in breakout rooms. It is no secret that our parents
worry about us on a regular basis, but maybe we should be worried about
them. Are they unstable without us?
One parent explained that she was desperately searching for things to
distract her from the painful void after her child’s departure. Numerous
parents chimed in, saying they’ve resorted to not only coffee, but wine
(any alcohol, really). And a lot of it. Shots in the morning?
Absolutely. Dog walks to the local grocery store for morning mimosas
(more like champagne with a dash of orange juice)? Without a doubt.
Another mother claimed she cried herself to sleep every night because
her child went to college. The pain of watching him grow up was too much
for her to handle. Meanwhile, her child is dancing on tables at frat
parties.
Yet another mother explained that there is a sense of emptiness that she
needed to grow accustomed to. Coincidentally, the emptiness she feels is
a bit like the emptiness of her child’s beer can.
NU Playdates
Even though most of us are heading into our 20s, our parents still feel
obligated to set up playdates for us. Don’t be surprised if your parents
show up to the darty with a sippy cup of beer in one hand and a plate of
ants on a log in the other. Somehow, the second we leave for college,
they lose all sense of boundaries.
If you’re worried about finding a BP partner, stop worrying — your
parents will gladly volunteer. After a parent shared the article “Beer
Pong ‘Devastating’ Neighborhoods Around Northwestern Campus,” there was
an outburst in the Northwestern parent Facebook community as they argued
for our freedom to party. Who would’ve thought our parents would
actually stand up for our right to get wasted? One parent even defended
the students, explaining that she and her daughter had played beer pong
together while in quarantine. Maybe they are cooler than we think.
Plant Babysitter
If your mom doesn’t think you’re responsible enough to take care of your
emotional support plants, you wouldn’t be the first. One worried plant
grandparent had the gall to ask if a student would be willing to come
into her son’s living space to water his plants while he was away for
Thanksgiving.
To top that, a mother tried to find her daughter a gaming buddy for
Minecraft and Dungeons & Dragons, asking parents to DM her if their
child would be interested. Guess she’s going to have more people sliding
into her DMs than her daughter.
The NU ‘Do
Parents often specialize in nagging and are undeniably relentless. They
find a way to pick apart the smallest details, claiming to have your
best interests at heart. But when is enough truly enough? Being
thousands of miles away at college means that parents don’t need to see
— or comment — on your hair length. If it’s too agonizing to look at,
then feel free to call as an alternative to FaceTime.
A mother suggested purchasing their children hair clippers, so they can
save money and time. To this recommendation a parent added that their
son had grown a rugged man bun and encouraged the mother’s son to do the
same. One parent even went as far as to say boys don’t need haircuts
unless they have a girlfriend — not very 21st century, if you ask me.
Wildcat Pride
I bleed purple and white. You bleed purple and white. By the transitive
property, both our moms must bleed purple and white. Sometimes they even
show more Wildcat Pride than we do. From dog apparel to customized
cakes, our parents are hard-pressed to find creative limitations.