No experience needed

So you’re late to the internship game, and you don’t have any tangible skills (besides self-sabotage, of course). Did you just forget to apply, or are you a bad, bad girl who wants a bad, bad future? Either way, NBN has generously compiled the seven best(ish), still-available internships seeking applicants with no valuable skills or sense of career direction.

Help students grieve someone they never dated. Provide the tissues. Lend an ear. Offer yourself if your patient needs a rebound. Maybe this will be your chance to escape the friend zone with your client.

Benefits: Feel better about your own love life, find yourself a new bae or if you play your cards right, join as a third.

Carry the Evanston community’s voice on your back next summer and become the app’s content-creating aficionado. There’s no need to get too creative, since most of the yaks are just horny college students on the brink of a breakdown. Here are five real yaks I just read, and it’s only 4 p.m. on a Sunday:

• “My old lady neighbor has probably seen me touching my worm”
• “Any girl tryna join me and my girl for a threesome? Dm if down”
• “hey guys, show me your balls” — This one received a LOT of eager replies.
• “The fedora with the safari flaps stays on during sex”
• “The clap of my cheeks alerts the guards”

Benefits: Get paid to broadcast your horniness! No matter what, you’ll have a sexy Yakarma count by September.

With these cuts becoming more popular, the workforce needs someone to nurture that head. Be there for The Circumcised before, during and after the operation. Hold their hand during the chop, take them out to Applebee’s for some replenishing Bahama Mamas and check in every 20-30 minutes to dab rubbing alcohol on the infected areas.

Benefits: Learn more about human anatomy. Plus, you get to take home the extra foreskin! Yippee!

Hot take: This campus needs a pestering street show person to bombard people with a microphone at 8 a.m. on a Monday. How have the Medill kids not gotten on this yet? You could be the one to make it happen!

Benefits: Unite the Northwestern community by becoming our common enemy.

Help the furries clothe themselves, but you can’t use your hands. (If they don’t get opposable thumbs, why should you?) Zip up their zippers. Unbutton those buttons. No getting freaky with the furries though (before the show at least). Must sanitize each suit after the convention.

Benefits: Free admission to the convention and staff parties. The fandom is one of the strongest alive. And they always want newbies. Winky winky.

Shadow and learn from Reza’s resident WNUR emcee. The people need their music! Just think, you could design the soundtrack to someone’s dance floor makeout! Since Reza’s signature dance room does shut down over the summer, you will be playing for the establishment’s restaurant side, an intimate Mediterranean and Persian cuisine eatery.

Benefits: You’ll get your own private coat rack. No longer fear the Reza’s Canada Goose jacket thief!

Write the weekly obituaries for local Evanston Retirement Homes. There’s plenty of material because there are about 20 retirement homes in this 10-mile radius. Immerse yourself in Evanston’s elderly community, but don’t get too attached to the residents.

Benefits: Free meals, housing, geriatric gossip and bingo!