Well, it’s that time of year again: it’s too cold, everything in stores is pink or red, candy is abundant and there is PDA literally everywhere. Now, for some, this time is much more successful than others in the love department.

I set out to find the overwhelming truth about the Northwestern Valentine’s scene, from party habits to dates to relationships in general.

Unfortunately, I’ve already been rejected by 8,478 undergraduate students, as only 16 anonymous students decided to be my valentine and fill out my form. With that in mind, these hilarious statistics only represent a small pool of students but can give us some idea about the Northwestern dating experience around the season.

Moral of the story: I’m sharing all these fails and slays with you so that your Valentine’s Day can be your best yet. Partners, girlfriends and boyfriends, be ready to take notes.

First off, I don’t know how these 16 people managed to end up in some of these situations because there sure were some crazy stories. One student wrote, “I gave him such a good and heartfelt gift that he cried and he gave me a dollar tree candle.” Ouch. I hope you dumped him after that, babe.

Another student said they received unsolicited lingerie (that didn’t even fit). I don’t think that one needs elaboration.

Oddly enough, two students had similar scenarios where their respective partners had or feigned an illness. The first wrote, “I found out that the boy I was dating went out with someone else on Valentine's Day. He told me he was sick.” That is a big oof.

This story solicits some serious advice. Be open with your partner. Just don’t cheat and be honest with your feelings.

The only one of these responses I relate to is someone who said “not asking someone I should have asked” was their biggest fail. We all have that one that got away, that was honestly not that hot or personable in retrospect but … still. I feel you.

With all that being said, we still have some slays! Like an adorable Taylor Swift-type moment stargazing in the trunk of a car and watching a movie, making mini paintings together, and even a boyfriend who scoured Google to find a Mexican-owned and Mexican-inspired restaurant for his Mexican girlfriend. See, folks? Love is out there somewhere.

But, that’s not really what you’re here for, is it? If that were the case, you wouldn’t be going to a random party this weekend.

Here are some more lovely statistics I spoke of earlier.

And there you have it, students of Northwestern!

Romance isn’t dead; just sometimes misled.

I hope you liked my words, and don’t think they’re turds.

All the best to you on this Valentine’s Day, and I hope fate gives you a Galentine’s slay.