You’ve read the emails. You’ve seen the flyers. You’ve heard the professors mention something or other as you file out of class. You know there’s plenty of guest speakers at Northwestern. But with so many talks on campus, how could you possibly know which ones to attend? Sure, you could do the research yourself and seek out the most interesting and exciting speakers, but let’s be real. It’s 2019, and you’re not about to put in the bare minimum amount of effort to make informed decisions. We don’t want you to miss out on some of the coolest events your tuition gives you access to, so we’re making things easier. With our guide to some of the best speakers coming to Northwestern in the next two weeks, you can now decide who to see, “Bandersnatch” style.
MONDAY, APRIL 8
You wake up at 10:15 a.m., having completely forgotten to set an alarm for the 10:00 class you just got off the waitlist for. You decide that, at this point, there’s no reason to try to make it to lecture anyway, so you pull out your phone and check Facebook. Oh look, that guy from your Econ discussion section last quarter who you occasionally texted about homework but wouldn’t really call a friend (but who mass invites all of his FB friends to events?) has invited you to the Contemporary Thought Speaker Series’ latest event: “A Conversation with Hilton Als.” It’s tonight at 7 p.m.
THURSDAY, APRIL 11
You get out of bed (on time for once) and drag yourself down to the dining hall to get some breakfast. As you scoop rubbery scrambled eggs onto your plate, that girl from your PA group who you wave at when you see her on the street sometimes says hi and asks if you’re going to the Maggie Haberman event tonight. You vaguely remember getting an email about some event last week, but you get those emails all the time so you have no idea which one she’s specifically referring to. You quickly Google “Maggie Haberman Northwestern” and see that she’s speaking in conversation with Medill Dean Charles Whitaker tonight at 5:30 p.m. in the MFC forum.
TUESDAY, APRIL 16
If you’re a SESP student, you might be aware there’s a speaker today. But let’s be honest, you’re probably not a SESP student. You go about your day completely oblivious to the fact that any events of note are happening today, but as you walk out of Kresge (fresh out of one of your many Weinberg classes), you see a flyer for the latest speaker for the Loeschner Leadership Series: Dr. Eve Ewing. You realize that you actually had to RSVP in advance, making this Choose Your Own Adventure sort of inaccurate, but ultimately realize that the writers of this article are free to take some creative liberties because this entire thing is a pretty absurd scenario anyway. You know the drill at this point.
You’ve reached the end of your adventure. Whether you’ve chosen to see all three speakers or none of them, your decisions have been made. In all seriousness, you should try to check out some of these speakers if you have the chance. As a student at a renowned academic institution, you should at least consider using some of your free hours to check out some of the amazing speakers Northwestern brings to campus. Or you could keep playing Choose Your Own Adventure games on the Internet. We won’t judge.