Well, The Summer I Turned Pretty is over, and I’m missing the most chaotic family of all time. Thank God I found a newer, better version which will be released on our very own Northwestern campus! Some girl named Abdomen Conkers seemed to have dropped her diary, and BOY am I having a great time reading this.
Welcome to the world of The Winter I Turned Ugly, where the Lake Michigan wind turns your skin flaky-dry, your Aquaphor addiction is at an all-time high, and your roster of two isn’t responding to your texts anymore. Follow the chronicles of Abdomen (Abby) and her two favorite frat-brothers-turned-lovers!
November 8th
The fucking heat in my dorm won’t turn on, and I have to go to my Econ 310-1 and 311 lectures. Not excited to listen to Professor Sinitsyn talk about maple syrup tariffs. At least I can see Jeremy and his dreamy crystal aquiline eyes again. He’s sooo hot when he explains implicit differentiation to me. <3333333.
Jeremy is so sweet to me, he lets me cut in front of him at Shake Smart and said he’ll save me a cubicle in Mudd during finals week. I just wish his frat brother Connor wouldn’t be so awkward around us. I swear it wasn’t that serious when I went to the Swim formal with Jeremy as a date while Connor and I were in a non-committal talking stage!!!!
November 10th
Omg the weirdest thing happened today. I was walking around InfoComms, and I saw Jeremy sitting with his frat brothers at a table. I went up to say hi bc like obviiii, but he literally just totally and completely blew me off??!?!?!?!?! I was like, “omg Jeremyyyyyyyy how was winter break??” and he just looked at me like I was just an annoying SIDE PIECE and said, “Fine, I gotta get back to my group project though,” HE LITERALLY JUST HAD TETRIS ON HIS SCREEN BEFORE I WALKED UP WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
December 1st
JEREMY. ISN’T. TEXTING. ME. BACK. He literally PROMISED me Thanksgiving break wouldn’t change anything between us, but I guess SOMEONE from his hometown probably slid her stupid little “heyyyyys” into his Instagram DMs. I swear to God if Jeremy is no longer committed to our short-distance-medium-term-semi-exclusive situationship then I’m going to tear his fucking frat down.
Also, is Connor avoiding me??????????? Two days ago at 11:34 a.m., I asked him, “Heyyyyy back on campus! Do you wanna grab lunch at Sarge sometime?” and he replied at 3 p.m. TODAY “ig, I’m busy tho.” Is he mad at me? I hope he isn’t mad at me. I really need a back-up option to date party this year if Jeremy is going to dip on me. Ugh this fucking sucks.
December 3rd
I woke up this morning with the biggest pimple on my forehead. None of my moisturizers are working anymore bc it’s so cold outside and the only thing on my face is dirty snow and ground salt. Literally why is Evanston so fucking wet all the time? My limited edition pink UGGs get soggy the second I step onto the ground and all my Aerie crossover flare leggings have salt stains on them.
This morning the most EMBARASSING thing happened to me. I was rushing to my Econ lecture in Tech and the minute I stepped inside, I slipped and fell on the stupid floors. To top things off, Jeremy AND Connor AND the Tech clanker were all there and saw me. NONE of them helped me up.
December 6th
DOES JEREMY EVEN WANT ME ANYMORE????. Yesterday at the Sigma Alpha Phi Epsilon Delta x Pi Alpha Phi Alphi Pi mixer we were dancing together and I TRIED to go in for a kiss but he just swerved away and told me my lips were TOO DRY. TOO FUCKING DRY. I’M SORRY MY EXTRA STRENGTH AQUAPHOR ISN’T WORKING, JEREMY. I CAN’T CONTROL THIS SHITTY STUPID WINTER. ALSO YOUR FROSTED TIPS ARE CRACKING YOUR STUPID HAIR, AND YOU’RE UGLY. And THEN he had the AUDACITY to go over and hangout with CONNOR even though he knows it’s super awkward for me to see my former talking stage and current situationship interact!! I need another shot of Smirnoff.
December 8th
Jeremy texted me yesterday saying “i don’t think this is working out, i need to focus on school.” BFFR. I literally gave him ALL my Econ notes. TF do you mean “focus on school????” He doesn’t even show up to lecture! Ugh I guess now that I’m done with his ass I can try talking to Connor again. Maybe if I ask him to walk around the Shakespeare Garden with me he’ll remember the times we used to go to the TNDs together for Wildcat Welcome.
December 10th
I cannot believe the audacity of men. I tried to ask Connor to go to the A&O show with me, but he said he had to run a frat rush event with Jeremy. I SWEAR they are conspiring to make my life worse. I literally ran into them both in Norris the other day and they both turned away awkwardly without even saying hi. Like HELLO?? I was literally your go-to person to ask for Econ help, but now you’re just AVOIDING ME???
December 14th
WHY DID I SEE JEREMY AND CONNOR KISS AT THE SIGMA ALPHA PHI EPSILON DELTA FORMAL LAST NIGHT???