The newfound independence of dorm life, the rushing process, the subpar Allison food, the tradition of cheering on the ‘Cats during Wildcat Welcome: for better or worse, we all experience these moments during our first year at Northwestern — save the Class of 2024. If you’re a first-year looking to recreate the freshman experience, these tips are for you!
I get it, first-years. You’re missing out on dorm living thus far. It sucks. To recreate the dorm experience, just move into a broom closet with your younger sibling. If you wanted to live in a single, pull a Harry Potter and move in under the stairs. Buy cannabis-scented incense and burn several sticks by your bathroom on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. If you want to recreate living in Bobb, plant an indeterminate fungus spore in your shower. Then, have your new RA (a parent) facilitate a fun fact-sharing session where you and your sibling/roommate take turns sharing the number of siblings you each have. Woah, it’s the same number? What a coincidence!
Allison Hall Dinner Recipe, to be recreated at home:
Ingredients: 1 bag of brown rice, 1 rotisserie chicken, 0 spices
Instructions: After purchasing ingredients, leave chicken out several hours to cool. Cook brown rice in a rice cooker; remove rice two minutes before it’s done. Season to taste with soy-free soy sauce from Plex East. Enjoy!
There are many time-honored traditions Northwestern first-years can’t take part in this quarter. If you’re a big sports fan, start cheering for literally any middle school flag football team — they’re probably better than the ‘Cats, anyway! If you get lonely watching the games, you can adopt a stray cat and name it Willie, then dress it up in a mini jersey. If a living pet is too much of a commitment, adopt a pet rock and paint it every so often, rotating through sorority fundraisers, WNUR advertisements and whatever drivel you want to promote that week. Make sure to stay up all night and guard it! Don’t try to paint anything political, or Northwestern will show up at your house with pressure washers.
While rushing Greek life totally isn’t necessary to find a consistent group of friends outside of your PA group (definitely not necessary), maybe you want to do it anyway. The movement to abolish Greek life means you might not ever get the chance to rush, but you can still recreate the experience at home. Have an older sibling or cousin buy you cheap vodka, the kind that burns for hours after. Use homemade mixers — dish soap, almond milk, shampoo. Anything goes!
There you have it, you fresh-faced freshmen! If you follow these tips, it’ll be just like you’re on campus living it up independently, except you’re also in your childhood bedroom with your mom doing your laundry.