This is Part 1 of a two-part series. Click here for the second part.
From vice president Harris to the fifteen heads of executive departments to various other cabinet-level officials, the vast majority of his cabinet nominees have been confirmed into their positions. I’m here to give you the scoop on all twenty-three members of Biden’s confirmed cabinet (organized by order of succession, of course!) But what exactly do each of these different people do, you may ask? Well, no worries: I’ve paired up each cabinet member with an iconic kids' character I think would be a perfect fit for the job if I were president to provide you with an easy to understand interpretation of their role!
Status: NO CONFIRMATION NEEDED
Since taking office, Harris has prioritized COVID vaccinations and used her former connections as a California senator to campaign for (and pass) the $1.9 trillion COVID relief package. From meeting with world leaders to swearing in other cabinet members, Harris is quickly carving out her prominent role in the Biden administration.
Our Choice: Woody – Toy Story
Smart, responsible and deeply loyal to Andy and his friends, Woody is the perfect right-hand man for any president to have. He’d be more than competent to take the lead if needed (especially if it meant protecting those closest to him) and would go to great lengths to keep the country united.
Secretary of State
Status: CONFIRMED (JAN. 26, 2021) (78 – 22)
In his first speech as Secretary of State on March 4, Blinken admitted that managing the nation’s relationship with China would be “the biggest geopolitical test of the 21st century.” More recently, he’s warned that the U.S. is falling behind China in climate change efforts and must close the gap in order to keep up with infrastructure and retain American jobs.
Our Choice: Kermit the Frog – Sesame Street
Whether it’s dealing with wacky dilemmas or escaping the loving pursuit of Miss Piggy, Kermit has found himself in more than his fair share of wild settings and situations. More importantly, he is always a fierce friend to all of his Muppet pals. That, combined with his loyalty, thoughtfulness and willingness to crack jokes, will surely help Kermit excel in the realm of foreign affairs.
Dr. Janet Yellen
Secretary of the Treasury
Status: CONFIRMED (JAN. 25, 2021) (84 – 15)
Yellen is the first female Secretary of the Treasury in the country’s history. A huge supporter of Biden’s $1.9 trillion relief package, Yellen emphasized the need to “go big” in order to get Americans back to work. In an interview with NBC since the passing of the coronavirus relief bill, Yellen said that the Biden administration is “working hard first to get the direct payments out” to individuals across the country.
Our Choice: Mr. Krabs – Spongebob SquarePants
Money, money, money. Sure, I might have to keep Mr. Krabs in check to avoid any possible governmental embezzlement and hyperinflation, but just like his restaurant, he’ll for sure keep the country’s economy booming. And hey, the country might get a new nationwide burger joint out of it too!
Secretary of Defense
Status: CONFIRMED (JAN. 22, 2021) (93 – 2)
Austin, a former United States Army four-star general and the first Black Secretary of Defense, was confirmed with an overwhelmingly bipartisan vote. Since being confirmed, Austin has emphasized the “enduring and ironclad” commitment America has to Israel while also visiting a nuclear facility in Iran in the midst of efforts to revive nuclear negotiations between the two countries.
Our Choice: Bowser – Super Mario series
Despite a few failed defensive attempts, we believe that with the proper guidance, Bowser’s tactical experience commanding troops can be used to better the nation’s defense. Plus, his seven Koopaling children will add some valuable input from their years of experience guarding Bowser’s castles!
Secretary of Agriculture
Status: CONFIRMED (FEB. 23, 2021) (92 – 7)
Before being confirmed into Biden's cabinet, Vilsack served as the Secretary of Agriculture for eight years under the Obama administration. During his hearing, Vilsack emphasized the importance of food programs and incentivizing farmers to adopt climate-friendly practices. “We have a lot of work ahead of us to contain the pandemic, transform America’s food system, create fairer markets for producers… and make historic investments in infrastructure and clean energy in rural America,” Vilsack said after being confirmed.
Our Choice: Wall-E – Wall-E
Who better to run America’s agriculture sector than a tiny robot that single handedly repopulated Earth with plants? With the dedication he’s demonstrated for preserving plants, Wall-E would be sure to focus on promoting climate-friendly agriculture and healthy diets – all before banning space cruises of course!
Secretary of Commerce
Status: CONFIRMED (MARCH 2, 2021) (84 – 15)
Among her duties as the Secretary of Commerce, Raimondo will oversee trade and regulations, patents, the Census and the National Weather Service. She is a supporter of the $15 minimum wage and believes in “raising [up] the American worker.” “It is not right for folks to work full time and be in poverty,” Raimondo said. “We need to reward work. Work should have dignity. And that means work has to pay.”
Our Choice: Isabelle – Animal Crossing: New Leaf
She may only be a secretary, but let’s be real, Isabelle runs the town. With plenty of local government experience and, according to her brother, engineering degrees from 19 different universities, Isabelle would excel in making sure all American workers feel welcome and nobody has to face poverty.
Secretary of Transportation
Status: CONFIRMED (FEB. 2, 2021) (86 – 13)
Once a former Democratic presidential candidate and competitor to President Biden, Buttigieg is now the youngest member of Biden’s cabinet. However, Buttigieg did receive criticism for a lack of qualification, having only served at a local level of government before his confirmation to the Cabinet. Currently, he is working with other cabinet members to push Biden’s $2 trillion infrastructure plan that would go towards repairing and rebuilding bridges, roads and highways among other things.
Our Choice: Thomas The Tank Engine – Thomas & Friends
Always eager to do his share of work, Thomas is filled with ambition (and diesel). He has big dreams, but he won’t hesitate to help out other engines in need of repairs or with too much workload. In the case of the U.S., Thomas would make sure all forms of transportation are chugging along smoothly and every road is perfectly paved.
Secretary of Energy
Status: CONFIRMED (FEB. 25, 2021) (64 – 35)
Granholm served as the Governor of Michigan for eight years, during which she bolstered the state’s clean energy sectors and strengthened its automotive and manufacturing industries. As the Secretary of Energy, Granholm has said that the administration is committed to expanding carbon-free energy by delivering a “clean energy standard,” which would require a percentage of retail electricity sales to come from low or zero carbon sources.
Our Choice: Pikachu – Pokémon
What more needs to be said? If anyone can revolutionize U.S. renewable energy development, it’s a tiny electric mouse who can produce their own energy. Pika pika!
Dr. Miguel Cardona
Secretary of Education
Status: CONFIRMED (MARCH 1, 2021) (64 – 33)
Cardona began his career as a fourth-grade teacher before being promoted to principal and later serving as the Connecticut Commissioner of Education. This experience as an in-school educator, as well as his emphasis on getting students back in school, gave him support from both Democrats and Republicans. “This pandemic has taken an extraordinary toll on students, parents, educators, and schools,” Cardona said in an interview with Essence. “With proper mitigation strategies, there is no reason that K-8 schools can’t open and offer in-person instruction to all students.”
Our Choice: Ms. Frizzle – The Magic School Bus
All teachers can learn a little something from Ms. Frizzle. Arguably the coolest educator out there with a totally rad fashion sense, she’ll definitely have some valuable input on how to keep students engaged while still having fun. Field trips, small class sizes, decked out school buses - you can’t go wrong with the Frizz!
Secretary of Veteran Affairs
Status: CONFIRMED (FEB. 8, 2021) (87 – 7)
McDonough developed a close relationship to Biden while serving as the White House Chief of Staff during President Obama’s second term. Inheriting an office from the Trump administration that was rooted in corruption, unqualified hires and wasted taxpayer money, McDonough vowed to improve veterans’ access to care while pursuing accountability. He is now only the second non-veteran to hold his position as the Secretary of Veteran Affairs.
Our Choice: Baymax – Big Hero 6
Baymax is the perfect combination of strength and compassion, and definitely the right candidate to make sure veterans are properly considered and cared for! Baymax would surely give veterans the respect and attention they deserve (along with a good helping of fist bumps of course).
Secretary of Homeland Security
Status: CONFIRMED (FEB. 2, 2021) (56 – 43)
Mayorkas is already facing challenges within his agency, with a recent overwhelming surge of migrants at the U.S.-Mexico border forcing him to ask for assistance from department volunteers. In an interview with NBC News in which he was asked about the tents erected to contain migrants, Mayorkas said, “We are building the capacity that we need to in order to address the needs of the children and to address the public health imperative for the American people.”
Our Choice: Rick Sanchez – Rick and Morty
Rick has done everything from turning himself into a pickle to programming an AI spaceship to keep his granddaughter safe at all costs. He may struggle with substance abuse, but I won’t discount him for that. If anything ever goes south, Rick will always figure out a solution, even if it means finding an alternate dimension to relocate to.
Secretary of the Interior
Status: CONFIRMED (MARCH 15, 2021) (51 – 40)
Haaland, a vocal supporter of the Green New Deal, is the first Native American cabinet secretary. She has pledged to tackle the climate crisis with a focus on fossil fuels. "The department has a role in harnessing the clean energy potential of our public lands to create jobs and new economic opportunities,” Haaland said.
Our Choice: Dora – Dora the Explorer
Sure, Dora may have trouble seeing large land objects far into the distance, but she's had plenty of first-hand experience exploring the world. With the right aides, whether it be a monkey, a map or her trusty backpack, she’ll be sure to offer valuable input on how federal lands and natural resources should be managed.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
Status: CONFIRMED (MARCH 10, 2021) (66 – 34)
Fudge has inherited America’s COVID housing crisis. She has argued that extending the eviction moratorium and the $25 billion allocated for the Emergency Rental Assistance Program is not enough to help Americans recover. “My first priority as secretary would be to alleviate that crisis and get people the support they need to come back from the edge,” she said.
Our Choice: Bob the Builder – Bob the Builder
Can he build it? Yes, he can! Bob is hardworking, kind and always encouraging to those he works with. Even under pressure, Bob will be sure to come up with creative solutions, making him the perfect individual to tackle housing problems during the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.
Secretary of Labor
Status: CONFIRMED (MARCH 22, 2021) (68 – 29)
A cancer survivor and son of Irish immigrants, Walsh served as the 54th mayor of Boston from 2014 until 2021. He says he’ll remain committed to ensuring all individuals receive equal opportunities and treatment in the workplace. Walsh is currently attempting to pass the Protecting the Right to Organize Act (PRO), a labor bill that would, among other things, override “right-to-work” laws and force union members to contribute union fees.
Our Choice: Numbuh 1 - Codename: Kids Next Door
Numbuh 1, also known as Nigel Uno, has plenty of experience of leading secret operations in Sector V. Although some may describe him as a paranoid workaholic, Numbuh 1’s loyalties have always lied with his dedicated team. His experience, strong sense of responsibility and dedication are perfect qualities for ensuring equal workplace opportunities.
Secretary of Health and Human Services
Status: CONFIRMED (MARCH 18, 2021) (50 – 49)
Becerra received heavy criticism from Republican senators for his belief in Medicare for All and support for abortion rights. His confirmation was viewed as a threat to the pharmaceutical industry as he seeks to lower drug prices to affordable levels. “I think we can all agree the price we’re paying for some of these prescription drugs is far higher than it should be,” Beccera said during his Senate committee hearing. “All you have to do is travel to another country to find we’re paying way more.”
Our Choice: Doc McStuffins – Doc McStuffins
Well versed in basic medical knowledge through her extensive practice on stuffed animals, Doc McStuffins is more than qualified to lead the nation’s health and human services. Compassionate and honest with each of her patients, there’s no chance she’ll take bribes from Big Pharma: she’s the candidate for the American people!